She was coming off a 6-year relationship with her boyfriend Dustin. You could tell that the breakup was still stinging three months after the fact. And by her side is exactly where he should have been, because Katie’s kind of a babe – tall, sweet and with a smile that melts icebergs. You may think that this is okay if it’s happened rarely. So they’ll stay in a relationship as long as there’s not something grossly wrong with it.Frankly, I didn’t see why: if a guy’s 41 and still doesn’t marry you after 6 years, he’s clearly the wrong guy for the job – fire him so you can make room for the right one. Only a fool would let a woman like that roam alone. The point is that I needed to impress upon Katie that this breakup was a Good Thing. But you have to understand that in good relationships, this never happens. They also have a scarcity mindset, thinking, “I know he’s a lout and a dud, but if I let him go, then I’m all alone – aiiieeeeeee…” Well, call me crazy, but I just like to think that among the 3.2 billion (BILLION! And if you’re better off alone, that’s what you should be instead of being with him.My theory is that in the beginning, most women don’t know the guy is a deadbeat loser.
There are way too many people who hate their jobs and keep on doing them, just like there are way too many women who settle for men who treat them poorly.
There are countless posts online where women complain about their deadbeat boyfriends for never paying for anything, never buying them gifts, always playing video games all day long while still living at home in their parent’s basement, and never holding on to a job for more than a year to save their lives.
Yet, these women still latch on, hoping they’ll one day change their man for the better.
So I asked her, “Well, Katie, on a scale of 1-10, how often did he give you backrubs and how good were they? Sometimes it takes a catastrophic event to shake her up and realize they’re wasting their time (which is the stuff life is made of, incidentally). How often does he tell you he loves you or otherwise lavish you with praise?
As you may know, I wrote The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman’s Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible partially out of the frustration of seeing so many of my fabulous female friends who were dating duds, not dudes. I’d like to make it clear that if items 5-7 have happened EVEN ONCE – and I really do mean even just once – you have a duty to yourself, to your friends, to your family and to the world to get out of this relationship, like, . It’s like you’ve been eating at Subway every day and thinking, “Well, this is alright – what do I have to complain about?