mean your partner has a mental illness, but the effects of having an alcoholic parent can greatly affect your partner’s mental health, especially if the parent is still abusing alcohol (or other substances…addiction does not discriminate!
) The effects of parental substance abuse are far-reaching and often last for the adult child’s entire life.
It’s probably not too difficult to see why being an ACOA can make romantic relationships as an adult challenging.
You may not have made the connection between your partner’s family history and what shows up in your relationship, but the impact is huge.
If you grew up in an alcoholic or addicted family, chance are that it had a profound impact on you.
Often, the full impact isn’t realized until many years later.
Amy Eden, an adult child of alcoholics and long time writer and teacher on the subject, offers insight into navigating the waters of being in love with an “ACA.” Have you heard the one about the confused man whose girlfriend of a year and a half suddenly got mad and left him? The skills that had served her so well in childhood weren’t working. We commit to someone who’s interested in us because we’re the ever-loyal children of dysfunctional, rigid parents, and then we buckle up and enjoy (or something) the feeling of rushing along, fast, on a course to…wherever.
Remember, your voice, experiences and insights are vital to this community. This could also be a way that you, perhaps unconsciously, keep people out of your life to avoid having to risk letting someone in.This includes 4 insights that may help you understand why you feel so alone and frustrated in them. I know you can do it:)What’s your biggest obstacle with meeting and keeping real friends?Or, if you’ve figured out a way to work through your relationship issues, how did you do it?As a child, your partner may have had the following characteristics: On the other hand, your partner may have swung to the other end of the spectrum, trying to make everything perfect, being the peacemaker in the family, striving for perfectionism, taking on adult responsibilities, and denying their own needs in favor of protecting the alcoholic parent.The Adult Children of Alcoholics website has a list of fourteen characteristics of ACOAs, called “The Laundry List.” Either way, it’s likely some of these characteristics have lingered into your partner’s adult personality, and may be showing up in your relationship.